I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
