If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
