All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
