would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
