you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
