when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
