I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
