all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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