i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
