just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
