we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
