Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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