Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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