What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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