your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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