nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
