I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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