We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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