I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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