she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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