I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
