I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
