It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
