Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
