I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
