The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
