Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
