I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
