They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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