so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
