I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
