First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
