so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
