Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
