Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
