The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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