when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
