well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
