He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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