lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
