The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
