i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
