im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
