One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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