me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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