Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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