i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
