i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
