I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
