My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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