Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
