So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Small penises have feelings too.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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