I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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