So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
