i don't like sucking hair
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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