Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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