I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
