How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
