Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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