i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
